<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Vindicated by sharedwithyou</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076172">Vindicated</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou'>sharedwithyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Angstangstangst, Circle Drama, Circle Politics, F/M, Reader-Insert, Suspension Of Disbelief</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:13:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovely is a mage Cullen rescues. Drama ensues.</p><p>Mildly inspired by the Dashboard Confessional song Vindicated</p><p>Disclaimer: may need to suspend disbelief a little</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll check on you later,” he promises, handing you the washcloth and walking off. With purpose as he always does.</p><p>“You should be more careful in the future. The Commander used some of our best men to rescue you. It would have been quite the loss if the operation wasn’t performed flawlessly.”<br/>The unspoken thought that followed; any one of them would be a bigger loss than you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Reader, Cullen/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Vindicated</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just finished Trespasser and we must punish Someone for breaking our hearts (not saying who bc spoilers?) but first this angsty piece</p><p>FYI I still have some trouble w Circle politics (hardest choice besides who to romance is about what to do w mages if you side with them in my opinion) so please suspend disbelief</p><p>Also it’s fanfiction n my head cannon so really you should always suspend disbelief</p><p>But I know there’s ppl who are really informed and experts on dragon age lore so I put this disclaimer in case they get offended.</p><p>Lovely is a mage Cullen saves sooooo all the drama that comes with that I guess</p><p>Cassandra is one of my favs (ok I love them all but still) but she’s kind of a stick in the mud in this case. But some players might agree w her too so there’s that</p><p>Anyway enough exposition, here’s some good old fashioned Nobody is happy angst</p><p>Xoxo Bucky</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He presses a wet washcloth against your wrists.</p><p>Fuck, that hurt. You say nothing though because you don’t want to show weakness. You’re tired of being weak.</p><p>“You don’t have to do this, you know. I’m sure you have more important things to do.”</p><p>He looks at you sternly and you feel a tiny spark of something you can’t quite put your finger on.</p><p>“I’m happy to, (y/n).”</p><p>“The Commander doing a healer’s job?” Cullen gives Cassandra a dirty look, but you would have said the same. Perhaps with less disdain.</p><p>“I wasn’t aware I had to report to anyone besides the Inquisitor,” he counters.</p><p>“Why do you think I’m here?” Cassandra looks at him reproachfully.</p><p>“I’m sure she can wait a few minutes,” he remarks less than cheerfully.</p><p>“I’m alright, Cullen.” Getting stuck between them was the last thing you wanted.</p><p>“Alright then.” He reaches to pet your hair but you bend down to fasten a buckle on your boot first.</p><p>“After you, Commander.” She stresses his title, unnerved by your lack of formality with him.</p><p>“I’ll check on you later,” he promises, handing you the washcloth and walking off. With purpose as he always does.</p><p>“You should be more careful in the future. The Commander used some of our best men to rescue you. It would have been quite the loss if the operation wasn’t performed flawlessly.”<br/>
The unspoken thought that followed; any one of them would be a bigger loss than you.</p><p>If the war wasn’t so debilitating, she’d never be assigning comparative values to anyone’s life. You wonder if she’s conscious of the morbidity, or if it’s just become second nature. Deciding who was worth the effort and resources to be saved.</p><p>You’re not going to be the one to point it out. All you want now is to become part of the backdrop again. Not worth getting kidnapped, so you wouldn’t have to find out if you were worth saving.<br/>
“They were perfect.”</p><p>She nods, satisfied that you recognize the significance.<br/>
“Well I’m glad they brought you back safely.” She probably means she’s glad that they came back safely, bringing you being a secondary concern. Nonetheless, you’re a little touched. For all she knows, you’re just another elf who joined the Inquisition out of necessity and that suits you just fine.</p><p>You wring out the washcloth and wipe away the dried blood Cullen hadn’t gotten to yet. You want to hiss in pain, but if you hadn’t done it in front of him, you weren’t about to do it in front of her.<br/>
You focus on breathing deeply, in then out, so you can properly clean the deeper cuts. She leaves you to your task.</p><p>“You can let it out now.”<br/>
You turn and see the boy with a patched tunic watching you.</p><p>“Let what out?”</p><p>“The crying or hissing or whatever the pain makes you want.”</p><p>“Huh. I’d say the pain makes me want to not feel it.”</p><p>He doesn’t acknowledge your sub-par joke.<br/>
“You shouldn’t hide what you feel.”</p><p>You’re not in the mood to listen to a kid’s lecture.<br/>
“Just hurry up and make me forget you already.”</p><p>His eyes widen.<br/>
“How do you-“</p><p>“What, how do I know you can scramble people’s brains? I saw you do it to Ruth the other day. I asked her your name and she said she’d never met you.”</p><p>He looks down at his feet. “I should be more careful.”</p><p>His sad look softens the spikes of your anger.<br/>
“Well I only asked because you’re nice-looking.”</p><p>His eyes are like saucers now. “For-“</p><p>“Stop!” You interrupt him. “I don’t want to forget anything. Please don’t mess with my head.”</p><p>He thinks about it for a few moments. “Fine. But tell no one of this. Any of this.”</p><p>“Scout’s honor.” You raise your hand but he’s already gone.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it about her that’s so special?”</p><p>“Why Cassandra, I never thought I’d see you jealous.”</p><p>“I mean it as a serious query. No jealousy.”</p><p>“I’ll look into it.”</p><p>“Thank you Leliana.”</p><p>“Does this mean you’re not interested in the Commander?”</p><p>“Not one bit.”</p><p> </p><p>You apply some salve to the exposed flesh around your wrists. Why they’d used both irons and rope was beyond you. You’ve all but ground your teeth into powder; you refuse to show any signs of pain.</p><p>“Sorry I took so long.”</p><p>You shrug and wrap a bandage around one hand, using your chin to hold the rest of the roll.</p><p>“Give me that.” He sits down next to you and pulls it out from under your chin with one hand, using the other to tilt your face up at him. You look into his piercing eyes and feel another spark, stronger than the one from before.</p><p>“I’ve got this, Cullen. I know there are better ways you can spend your time.”</p><p>“I disagree.” He blows on your left wrist to see if the salve has set. It burns like hell but you grit your teeth like you have been all of today. “You should feel a burning sensation, (y/n). I’ll put some more on.”</p><p>“No!” He raises an eyebrow at your exclamation. “I don’t need anymore.”</p><p>“If you don’t put enough on it won’t heal any faster.” He reaches for the salve and you push him away with your shoulder, since your arms aren’t cooperating.</p><p>Your body doesn’t cooperate much better. You lose your balance and bump your head on his chest. You’re not sure if it’s muscles or plate armor, but either way your head vibrates from the impact on a very hard surface.</p><p>And of course, instinct wins and all your effort goes down the drain. You yelp.</p><p>Your head vibrates some more which is strange. When he pushes you back upright you see he’s laughing. It suits him.<br/>
“So, no more salve then.” </p><p>You want to laugh along but your throat is still scratched, and even exhaling hurts. You give him your best rueful smile. </p><p>“You’re a trooper, (y/n).”</p><p>You shrug again and try to take the gauze from him. You don't want another scene, another judgement on whether or not you were worth his time.</p><p>“You know I admire your stubbornness. You certainly held your own.” He runs his hand over your hair and you hold still. You’d never admit that you like it when he pets your hair, that it makes you feel safe and spoiled. You won’t let them think you’re important to him. You can handle the torture, but you can’t handle being his weakness.</p><p>But this feels too damn good to say no.</p><p>“I’m not letting you win this time.” He lifts you into his lap, and holds your arms still so he can properly dress your wounds. You’re too tired from being locked up and starved and pretending you’re not weak.</p><p>You are so weak. Too weak to push him away like you should, to keep both of you safe, to keep the Inquisition safe. Too weak to tell him to go, to make him dislike you, to hide the truth that you care.</p><p>You sink into him and fall asleep. You don’t actually feel him carry you to your bed, but when you wake up you know immediately that’s exactly what he did.</p><p> </p><p>“Any news, Leliana?”</p><p>“In a hurry, are we?”</p><p>“I saw him practically cradle her in his arms. I’d say this is rather important. Wouldn’t you?”</p><p>“What do you have against love?”</p><p>“Absolutely nothing. The problem arises when he can’t keep his priorities in order.”</p><p>“Our intelligence was correct. They were in and out before the guards even noticed she was gone. If anything consider it a test of the reliability of our spies in that area.”</p><p>“But what if it wasn’t?”</p><p>Leliana crosses her arms. “I hope you’re not insinuating that my performance is inadequate.”</p><p>Cassandra sighs heavily. “Of course not.”</p><p>“If it were one of our captains captured you’d have no complaints whatsoever.”</p><p>“But it wasn’t!”</p><p>“For what she means to the Commander she may as well be.”</p><p>“So you do know the problem.”</p><p>“For Andraste’s sake, let him have one thing. One person whose ability or lack thereof has no bearing on how important they are to him.”</p><p>Cassandra wants to snort in derision, but it’s not an impossible request, and if the spymaster was asking her to, she would acquiesce.<br/>
“Fine. So, no news yet?”</p><p>“I’ll let you know as soon as I find anything. But for someone with such a humble background you’d probably find out more just speaking with her.”</p><p>“What if she lies.”</p><p>Leliana rolls her eyes. “Well then, I’ll find out.”</p><p> </p><p>Fire rune. One yard diameter. Detonate. </p><p>Wait, why isn’t it working? You clutch the novice staff you’d gotten from requisitions. Yours was surely lying in some shed in that stronghold you’d been stuck at. That’s probably why the spell wasn’t working properly. You focus hard and snap your fingers, your trademark cast.</p><p>The rune finally explodes and you hear a crackle that isn’t just from the flames.</p><p>Fuck. That hurt.</p><p>You resist the urge to grip your forehead in your hands. Your head feels like it’s splitting open.</p><p>“Impressive.”</p><p>The famous apostate walks up, and you’re mortified. He just saw you struggle with the most basic of spells.<br/>
“You flatter me, sir.”</p><p>“Solas.” You knew his name already; how could you not ask constantly about the mage who was free? “Your nose is bleeding.”</p><p>You rub the blood off your face quickly. “It happens sometimes, when I’m overexerting myself. My father always said I didn’t know my own strength. I suppose it’s more that I don’t know my limitations. Or that I choose to reject them.”</p><p>“Is that so? I’m surprised you’re not a Tranquil then.”</p><p>“Do I seem overtly emotional?” The thought is disheartening, given your constant efforts to the contrary.</p><p>He points to your forehead. “No mark.”</p><p>“Oh right. That ugly brand.”</p><p>He chuckles and it looks out of place.</p><p>“I think they realized I couldn’t really hurt anyone with my level of magic. Except myself. And even then it’s just a migraine here and there.”</p><p>“You should be glad there’s no Circle anymore. That spell would have caught their attention.”</p><p>“The basic rune spell?!”</p><p>“Look at the scorch marks.” You look and he’s right. The radius is twice as big as when you cast it. It seems that waves of fire had rippled from the center.</p><p>“...huh.” Well that’s one good news in a druffalo dung pile of a week.</p><p>“Watch yourself, (y/n).” With that he ambles away, leaving you to your confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“So she’s a circle mage?”</p><p>“Not exactly. I mean no one is really a circle mage anymore.”</p><p>“This complicates things.”</p><p>“Well from what I’ve found, she has nothing, nobody. Relatives all dead. Not a penny to her name. Even her weapon was taken when they captured her. She’s a lost soul who’s probably only alive because of the Inquisition. So you can relax. The biggest threat she can be is setting a bale of hay on fire.”</p><p>“Which could burn the whole fortress down!” Cassandra argues vehemently.</p><p>“Look outside.” Leliana points at the smoldering field. Really, a smoldering patch of grass. “Stop worrying. And really, you can set her on fire from the inside if she gets out of hand.”</p><p>“Only if she’s taken lyrium.”</p><p>“It was a joke, Cassandra. I think you need to take a day off. If more for your humanity than your sanity.”</p><p>Cassandra sighs once more, but decides to let it go. For now. “If our own spymaster is telling me I have no heart, I need to reevaluate my priorities.”</p><p>“I’m happy to knock you down a peg anytime.”</p><p> </p><p>“(Y/n).” The voice is firm and a bit scolding.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Don’t use your magic in front of others.”</p><p>“But I have to practice. I see all those soldiers working hard. I should, as well.” You were not going to get complacent. The consequences of that have been abundantly clear.</p><p>“Yes, because they use swords and shields. Their potential for destruction is practically non-existent.”</p><p>“If you saw my pathetic excuse for a fire spell, you’d say the same.”</p><p>He shakes his head and you frown. What was so frightening about mages? As if there weren’t much bigger things to fear.<br/>
“Fire, of all elements? No wonder Cassandra tore me a new one.”</p><p>“It’s pretty.” You did not comment on the latter.</p><p>He looks at you and a small smile crosses his face.<br/>
“So are you.”</p><p>You look away quickly so he won’t see your face redden.<br/>
You should tell him off, act offended or something.<br/>
The most you can feign is indifference.</p><p>Perhaps it’s his confidence, one of the long list of things that make him a great Commander; else he’s able to see right through you. Either way, he’s justified in wrapping his arms around you and dropping a kiss on your head.</p><p>The spark inside you hits a vein and you feel the buzzing all over. Any semblance of self control is tossed away like they tossed you into the pit of bodies long ago.</p><p>The thought should sober you, should remind you of the bitter cold when you’d woken to a soldier digging through your family’s corpses to find something to burn. Still, he could have left you for dead, instead of dragging you to the fire where he and his fellow soldiers made camp.</p><p>Instead it reminded you of how the Commander had draped a coat over you and given you a loaf of bread. How he promised you’d never starve again. How he’d helped you onto a horse, and helped you up after you rolled right off.</p><p>How he’d chased after you when you ran back to find the staff your father had impaled himself on so the Templars wouldn’t be able to take it.</p><p>How he’d let you ride with him when his men complained about saving a mage.</p><p>How he’d told you he’d always keep you safe.</p><p>You didn’t understand why he’d gone through all that trouble to save a nobody.</p><p>But that’s what made you continue on, when your family was all gone, when the Venatori had you in shackles.</p><p>That’s what made you spin around and push him behind a pillar, and kiss him hard.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s stronger than she lets on.”</p><p>“Cassandra, please let me eat in peace.”</p><p>“I saw her push the commander back several paces. Effortlessly.”</p><p>“Ok, so she’s a strong pusher. Big deal.”</p><p>“Not physical strength. It was a spell, I could tell.”</p><p>“So that’s what caught your attention? Not the fact that they kissed?”</p><p>“They What?!”</p><p> </p><p>If you can’t practice fire, then ice and electric are probably out as well.</p><p>That doesn’t mean you’re just going to give up, either.</p><p>You concentrate on movement. If you could master teleportation, you’d never have to worry about being ambushed again.</p><p>Though you supposed needing your hands was a bigger issue. You hadn’t been able to summon even a single thunderbolt when you’d been clapped in irons.</p><p>Time to practice sprinting without moving. Yes, that includes not moving fingers.</p><p>You duck into a barn first, so you won’t get caught again.</p><p>“Fade step.” </p><p>You jump in surprise at the intrusion and burst backwards without using your hands. Neat.</p><p>“Not an easy spell. You’re a natural.”</p><p>“Thank you. Solas, was it?” Like you didn’t know.</p><p>“Yes.” He looks at you thoughtfully. “Were your parents mages?”</p><p>“We weren’t supposed to talk about it. Although there’s no one to punish me if I do, anymore.” You hold his gaze and pretend you’re over the devastating loss of loved ones. It’s somehow easier than pretending you don’t care about Cullen.</p><p>“That’s a yes, then.”</p><p>“For what it’s worth.”</p><p>“That explains your talent, mostly.”</p><p>You look over your shoulder to make sure no one is listening. Is Solas going to report this to Cassandra? Is there some loyalty between fellow mages, that would merit lying to a Seeker?</p><p>“Anyway, I’ll let you get on with practicing.”</p><p>“Alright.” Thank goodness. Back to keeping a distance from everyone.</p><p>“If you want to get some real work done, the forest to the East is relatively secluded. Just watch out for bears.”</p><p>A promising lead. “Thank you, Solas.”</p><p>“Goodbye, (y/n).”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it about her?”</p><p>“Cassandra! I am so tired about talking about this!”</p><p>“I’m just observing this time. Not condemning. The Commander, Cole, Solas. They’re all interested. Not all romantically but nonetheless.”</p><p>“And you as well. Positively obsessed.”</p><p>“So is she secretly interesting? Or is she interesting because they find her interesting.”</p><p>“That’s it. I’m done with (y/n) talk for the next week. Or for the foreseeable future.”</p><p> </p><p>Since practicing magic was taboo, you decide to ditch your staff under a pile of hay. Time to go for a perfectly casual walk in the woods. Nobody needs to know that you’re exercising more than your legs there.</p><p>“And just where do you think you’re off to?”</p><p>Fuck. Of all the times to run into Cassandra.</p><p>“I thought I’d take a walk around the forest. Not much else I can do right now.”</p><p>“Absolutely not. The last thing we need is for you to be snatched away again. We’ve wasted enough manpower getting you back.”</p><p>So, the soldiers snuck in, broke the locks, and you snuck out together. No one was alerted. The only injuries were the ones you’d sustained from a particularly sadistic guard. Well the captain stubbed his toe on a rock on the way back, but he’d sworn everyone to secrecy over this embarrassment.<br/>
But she would not let this slide. </p><p>You had every reason to argue, but antagonizing her was not the way to go.<br/>
“There are soldiers posted all around, even deep into the forest. On the rare chance that someone makes it in, it would be impossible to make it back out. Alive.”</p><p>Now she’s in a tough spot. If she says no, she’s either discounting the troops’ abilities, or actively denying you a perfectly reasonable activity.</p><p>You may not be the best mage, but you have a few tricks up your sleeve.</p><p>With a sigh, she beckons over a few recruits. No sense wasting a veteran’s time with babysitting. “Follow her. If anything happens, it will be your heads.”</p><p>They look at each other in slight confusion. Why did this girl warrant bodyguards? Still, they would heartily obey a seeker. “Yes Ser!”</p><p>You stroll away, watching them tail you conspicuously. They definitely were not scout material. They’ll slack off soon, and you can fade step in peace.</p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later, you’re traipsing through the woods with your temporary security detail in tow. They’re either more ambitious than the typical recruit, or Cassandra is far more intimidating than Cullen.</p><p>Then again, that has been your experience. You’d never found the Commander to be domineering; his authority comes naturally. He never demands respect, it is eagerly given to him by men and women alike.</p><p>Cassandra, you’d heard she could paralyze a grown man with a single look. No weapons, no motions, just with one trained eye. You would not be testing that rumor.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t scream.” Someone claps a hand over your mouth and you fight every urge to surround yourself in fire. If anyone knew you could cast without a staff you’d have much bigger problems than one kidnapper.</p><p>You let them lead you behind a thicket. You recognize the scent of fresh grass and know who it is before the stealth wears off. “What are you doing out here, kid?”</p><p>He checks around to make sure you’re alone before answering. “I saw some men following you. I was worried.”</p><p>A feeling washes over you, not quite a spark but still strangely pleasant. “I doubt anyone will be coming for me anytime soon. They have bigger things to worry about. I’m really not worth the effort.”</p><p>He cocks his head at you. “But you clearly are. They’ve never brought anyone back before.”</p><p>“Well I think I’ve used up all the luck allotted for my life by now.”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s luck. I think it’s love.”</p><p>You laugh dryly. When was the last time that you truly laughed? “What do you know about love, kid?”</p><p>“Not much,” he readily admits. “But I recognize when it’s there. Even if I can’t feel it myself.”</p><p>You’ve never been around other children. Your parents weren't supposed to have any to begin with. But your life had started easily enough. They said you were too cute to take away at first. And when you got to a troublesome age, when they would’ve pried you from mom and dad, the circle fell.</p><p>So you’d been able to grow, to be, much more than your birth should have afforded you. Of course, then everyone was mercilessly slaughtered.</p><p>But even without siblings, without semblance of what relatives are, you could tell; this is what a younger brother should be like. </p><p>“You can’t feel it either?”</p><p>He nods, no hint of bitterness or wistfulness. It’s reassuring, somehow. </p><p>“I’m (y/n).”</p><p>“Cole.”</p><p>“So, Cole, where are the men who followed me?”</p><p>“Knockout powder.”</p><p>“Will you keep it to yourself if I practice a little magic?”</p><p>“I’m not sure why people care.” His honesty is refreshing. “But I won’t say anything.”</p><p>You want to look him in the eye and thank him, but it feels wrong. Because he’s right, people shouldn’t care. You shouldn’t have to hide it.</p><p>You do your next best. “Let me show you the fade step.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have a good walk?”</p><p>You look up from your sewing. Leliana had recommended you pick up some small skills since you were essentially useless in your current state. She had been very careful not to use those words, but you felt it all the same. At least you could help with stitching the wounded, once you stopped poking yourself with the needle. Better to practice on fabric for now.</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“I don’t suppose you know why you came back alone and the recruits were found drooling in their sleep.”</p><p>“I had nothing to do with it.” And that wasn’t even a lie.</p><p>Cullen kneels beside you, somehow still dwarfing your seated form. “If you need to tell me anything, please do. I can only protect you if you let me.”</p><p>You stitch a few more times before responding. “I just wanted some time to myself.” You weren’t going to sell out Cole.</p><p>“It’s dangerous to be out alone.” You feel guilty at his stressed tone.</p><p>“But there were soldiers posted everywhere. Nothing could have happened, barring a natural disaster.”</p><p>“Like the sky ripping open?”</p><p>You drop your hands in defeat. He’s absolutely right. It was selfish of you. He wasn’t even scolding you, and you felt completely ashamed.</p><p>He runs his fingers through your hair and the guilt lessens. “I know you’re used to being independent.”</p><p>“I suppose freedom has its price. Like being maimed by bandits.”</p><p>“Or being scooped up by Venatori.” There’s a hint of defeat in his voice and you hate it. He is the epitome of glory and victory. You won’t be his stumbling block.</p><p>“I’m back in one piece, Cullen. All thanks to you.” It occurs to you that you haven’t thanked him properly.</p><p>You’d mumbled it through chattering teeth when he saved you from starvation.</p><p>You’d stuttered it haltingly after he protected you from some ex-Templar recruits.</p><p>You’d whispered it hoarsely when you trudged up to him after you the long journey with the rescue party.</p><p>It still wasn’t enough. You knew there was a deep gratitude in you, but for the life of you, you couldn’t express it. And maybe that’s a good thing. So you can keep him at an arm’s length, so you won’t drag him down.</p><p>“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”</p><p>You bend down to pick up the needle and thread so you wouldn’t have to look at him. But he beats you to it.</p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p>You can’t help it. A soft giggle escapes as you see Cullen clutching his finger.</p><p>“The soldiers will talk if they see their Commander fussing over a needle prick.”</p><p>He holds the pricked finger to your lips. “Don’t tell.”</p><p>A bead of blood drips down your Cupid’s bow.</p><p>You’re almost possessed. He’s a king among men and you’re a peasant, he’s a diamond and you’re coal. He could have you, a hundred of you, with the snap of his fingers. But they’re touching you. Lightly. Not giving orders: asking permission. </p><p>You open your mouth and slowly suck on the finger until the bleeding stops.</p><p>He stares at you in absolute shock.</p><p>You pull back quickly. “I…” you have no idea how to explain yourself. You can’t even explain it to yourself.</p><p>“(Y/n)...” you don’t recognize that tone of voice, and it worries you. You’ve driven him out of the safe corner you’d put him in, where he cared enough to give you preferential treatment but not so much that you’d have to refuse him downright if need be.</p><p>And even if you don’t understand the way he’s looking at you, you understand the look Cassandra gives you when she walks by and sees him kneeling beside you.</p><p>Danger.</p><p>You murmur a goodbye and scamper away like the wind is carrying you.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything alright, Commander?”</p><p>“Everything is fine.”</p><p>“You’re still kneeling.”</p><p>“I’m quite comfortable here. Did you need something or are you here to gossip?”</p><p>“I was just checking on (y/n). It seems I sent some lazy soldiers after her; they just made it back.”</p><p>“I’m sure that’s not her fault.”</p><p>“I didn’t say it was. I’ll leave you to your… business then.”</p><p> </p><p>You find your new little brother in the courtyard playing with a rabbit.</p><p>“Cole.”</p><p>“Yes?” He continues petting the rabbit’s ears and you second guess yourself.</p><p>“I need a favor from you.”</p><p>“You want to run away?” He speaks mildly, but you are floored.</p><p>“How did you know?!”</p><p>“Your thoughts. They’re not as loud as most. But I can still hear them.”</p><p>So the rumors are true. But you were too desperate to worry about asking a demon for help.<br/>
“Will you help me?”</p><p>He looks at you, carefully considering. “He will be sad.”</p><p>“But safer.”</p><p>“What about you? Who will keep you safe?” It’s a question of logic, not out of affection. But that unfamiliar feeling from before comes back. Is this... companionship? “Yes. It’s not love. But it’s good too.”</p><p>You are determined not to get soft though. “So can you help me or not?!”</p><p>“Prove you can take care of yourself, and I will.”</p><p>Well, a circle-less mage is nothing if not resourceful. </p><p>“In that case, I need you to get something for me.”</p><p> </p><p>You spend the rest of the evening alternately hiding behind brawling soldiers and under tables.</p><p>“Hey did you hear? The Inquisitor declared the mages our slaves. Right in front of the Grand Enchanter.”</p><p>You feel the painful pricks of dread start at your chest and spread. It’s not supposed to be like this.</p><p>“Does that mean we will get a turn with the little minx the Commander keeps around?”</p><p>This shouldn’t scare you. You’d been at death’s doorstep just a few days ago. There’s no way the cruelty of Inquisition soldiers can come close to that of Venatori.</p><p>“Don’t be daft. He just sent his best men to rescue her. He’d flay you alive just for those words.”</p><p>The dread disappears but the pain remains.</p><p>“But who knows about the ones who join us?”</p><p>The pounding is back to your head, and you’re not even trying to cast. You sneak off to the spot where Cole said he’d meet you in two hours.</p><p> </p><p>“Evening, soldiers.”</p><p>“H-hello Commander, sir.”</p><p>“You probably didn’t want me hearing that just now.”</p><p>“S-sir-“</p><p>“The lot of you can spend tonight sharpening all the swords from practice.”</p><p>“B-but there are thousands-“</p><p>“Well then you’d best get started right away.”</p><p>“Y-Yes sir.”</p><p> </p><p>You’ve all but chewed your fingernails off by the time Cole returns.</p><p>“Did you get it?!”</p><p>He waves the staff at you and you duck. Father always said it was powerful. But the demon doesn’t use the same magic, apparently. Thank the Maker.</p><p>“Prove you can use it, (y/n).”</p><p>“Not here. We will alert his men. Can you get us out first?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You can’t?! But you said you would help me.”</p><p>“I can but I will not. Not until you show me you can do more than walk fast.”</p><p>You groan, but it’s more than fair. Still, you don’t want Cassandra and countless others on a witch hunt. What to do now? Cause a stir so no will notice ice on the ground?</p><p>“Distraction? Easy.” He disappears in a blink. If only you could learn to do that. Is it only possible for demons?</p><p>You hear a huge commotion and feel a hand tug on your sleeve. You don’t see him, but let him pull you to another barn.</p><p>“What exactly did you do, Cole?”</p><p>“I tipped over the card table.”</p><p>You raise a brow. “That’s it?”</p><p>“They both think the other is cheating. Everyone else just wants to join the fight.”</p><p>You shudder at the thought of being stuck in the pub with them.</p><p>“Now. Hurry.”</p><p>You’d never been good with time pressure, but really, who is?</p><p>You place an ice glyph on the ground. You realize in relief that it’s so much easier with your staff. He nods and walks onto it casually.</p><p>“Don’t stand there.”</p><p>“Detonate it.”</p><p>“You’re on it!”</p><p>“Detonate it or I won’t help you.”</p><p>You feel the pounding in your head grow. It must be his stubbornness. You shake your head furiously but he stares at you nonplussed. In the distance you hear Cassandra shouting and Cullen barking orders. It’s now or never.</p><p>You focus on the glyph and snap your fingers.</p><p>Cole bursts out of the ice easily, but you don’t notice since you’ve sent the roof of the barn flying. </p><p>“Fuck. They definitely heard that.”</p><p>“We can go.” He grabs your hand and the two of you disappear into the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>“A brawl?! Over a game, of all things?!”</p><p>“S-seeker-”</p><p>“All of you! You can join the others in sharpening swords. And when you’re done you can polish the shields.”</p><p>“B-but-“</p><p>“Do you want to restring the bows as well?!”</p><p>“N-no, Ser.”</p><p>“Get to it then!”</p><p> </p><p>You’re breathing in spurts now as you try to keep Cole’s pace. He’s no taller than you but his strides are somehow twice yours. Is it easier for spirits to run?</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>You turn to look at him questioningly but he’s gone.</p><p>In your surprise you trip on a tree root and tumble onto your stomach.</p><p>“(Y/n).” It’s full of disappointment, and you feel your heart drop. You didn’t even know it could do that.</p><p>“Cullen?”</p><p>“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you were gone?”</p><p>Yes, actually. For at least the first day, anyway.</p><p>“Why are you trying to run away?</p><p>You grip your staff tightly and use it to help yourself up. His eyes widen.</p><p>“How did you get that?! Is that where you’ve been?!”</p><p>“I…” Once again, you’re not going to rat Cole out. Even if he ditched you.</p><p>“How could you go back?! Do you know how dangerous that was?! How incredibly stupid it was?!”</p><p>“I just- I need it.” Better to sidestep all the other questions like this.</p><p>“Maker’s breath, why?!”</p><p>You look at him steadily, so you won’t look weak. You are so fucking tired of being weak.</p><p>“To protect myself.”</p><p>He sighs in frustration, and it angers you. He doesn’t understand. How could he?!</p><p>“(Y/n). I will protect you. I promised, back then, remember? I’ll always keep you safe.” Categorically speaking, he was wrong. You had the raw flesh to prove it.</p><p>“You’re bringing the Circle back.”</p><p>He curses and runs his hand through his hair. It looks lush and soft. It occurs to you that you’ve never returned the favor.</p><p>“It hasn’t been completely decided. And even if it is, I promise it will be different this time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Different for who?” Cullen glares at the intruder, but Solas continues. “Different for just her? What about your children? If they’re mages and too powerful, will you turn them Tranquil?”</p><p>“We haven’t-“</p><p>“It doesn’t matter if you have or haven’t.” Solas looks at you in pity as he says it, but it’s your turn to not understand.</p><p>“This is none of your business, Solas!” Cullen’s voice is tinged with rage. It’s unsettling.</p><p>“But it is. I am an apostate. And after tonight, she will be too.”</p><p>“That’s-“</p><p>“Wait.” You interrupt, even though you don’t wish to. “Cullen, if they decide I’m too powerful for my own good, will you let them make me Tranquil?”</p><p>He shakes his head adamantly. But his refusal isn’t the one you want.<br/>
“That will never happen.”</p><p>“They’ll never make me Tranquil? Or they’ll never decide I should be?”</p><p>“The second precludes the first!”</p><p>You take in a deep breath. You are going to be strong this time. “What if I won’t come with you?”</p><p>He walks towards you, but you move away, stepping carefully over the root that tripped you.<br/>
“Just come with me, (y/n). We will sort this all out.”</p><p>You feel the ridges of the staff, the ridges that had probably still had father’s blood in them.<br/>
“No.”</p><p>“(Y/n)!” He’s demanding you now. It’s a command, but you’re not a soldier.</p><p>“If I resist, am I a rebel? Will you execute me?”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous!”</p><p>“If I won’t give them my blood, will you let them cut me off, so I don’t feel?”</p><p>He reaches towards you and you want to push him away, but you feel the headache so strong that you can’t move.</p><p>“(Y/n). I can’t tell you because I don’t know. But whatever happens, I won’t let you get hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“The process for Tranquils is painless.” This time it’s Cassandra who comes up to you.</p><p>“Not now, Pentaghast!” This is the first time you’ve heard Cullen use her last name.</p><p>“Solas is right. Even if you can change things for (y/n), you can’t change them for everyone. Including your potential children.”</p><p>“Maker’s breath!” You're not sure if Cullen’s face is redder from arguing or the constant references to his sex life.</p><p>“I am saying this as a sign of my respect and friendship, Cullen. Let her go.”</p><p>Cullen looks flabbergasted, but you’re able to hide your shock. You never would have expected Cassandra to support you.</p><p>“I can’t promise you’ll be happy with the arrangements the Inquisitor decides. If you leave now, I won’t stop you. But if I ever hear of you making trouble, I will hunt you down myself.”</p><p>You’re not even insulted.</p><p>“This is madness!” Cullen is right. The whole world is insane. You’re sick of it.</p><p>“Promise her. Go on.” Solas’s voice is calm as always. “Promise her you won’t turn her Tranquil.”</p><p>“I…” Cullen looks at you, beseeching, but you don’t need looks. No expressions or tones of voice.</p><p>Your head is about to explode, but you’re not going meekly. “You’ve promised me a lot. You’ve promised me sustenance. Safety. Security.”</p><p>“In a heartbeat.” His voice cracks.</p><p>“I won’t ask you to promise me this.”</p><p>He reaches his finger to your lips, like he did before. But this time he’s wiping your blood away. “You’re bleeding, (y/n). Your injuries haven’t fully healed. Come back with me.”</p><p>Your laugh is empty. “It happens sometimes when I use magic.”</p><p>Cassandra looks at you with narrowed eyes. “That’s strange.”</p><p>“Lean into it.” You look at Solas in confusion, but motions at you encouragingly. “The pain. Lean into it.”</p><p>“Everyone, Shut up and leave us be.” Cullen’s voice is hard. They both back away.</p><p>You focus in. His finger on your lips, his hands in your hair, the defeat in his voice, the image of you staring at him blankly with an ugly brand on your face.</p><p>You want to scream as you feel yourself shatter, pieces of your soul jagged and piercing, cutting yourself with yourself. </p><p> </p><p>When your eyes stop swimming, you see he’s still in front of you, his finger on your lip.</p><p>You can’t feel him at all.</p><p>“Congratulations. You’ve broken free.”</p><p>Your knees buckle and you stumble through him.</p><p>The grass feels the same when you fall on it.</p><p>“Where am I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome to the fade.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AAAAA</p><p>LEAVE A COMMENT IF U LIKED</p><p>So the fic is called vindicated Bc they act like she’s barely worth saving once (the first time they meet which is by chance) let alone twice (Venatori kidnapped her Bc shes important to Cullen so they have to go out of their way to do it)<br/>but actually she’s a badass mage but the situation is just too much for her, for everyone</p><p>Quick poll 1: WHO (as usual there’s only like 2-3 options unless Cassandra is secretly jealous)</p><p>Quick poll 2: ANGSTIEST PART?!?!</p><p>Quick poll 3: is this good as a one-shot or would you like to see a sequel? If so, what would you want to see?</p><p>Tranquility makes me feel so angsty, but in a bad way (I know right?!!!). I’m not a fan. </p><p>Thanks for reading!!! I hope you all have a wonderful week. </p><p>If you’re dying to play the next dragon age, you have my sympathies and sisterhood. If Someone has also destroyed your heart you can look forward to my next fic about that</p><p>See you soon lovelies!</p><p>Xoxo Bucky</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>